Liar

 I am a liar.

How can I resolve this? 

I have spent much of my life living a lie.

You know the one.  The one I’ve been telling myself since the tender age of eight.  That I’m not a girl.  That I never was one.

It was simple.  I was faced with an untenable situation that gave me no way out.  In 1967 there was nothing about being transgender.  No books, no movies, no public figures running for office.  Nothing.

Hell, there wasn’t even an 800 number to call before I offed myself.  There weren’t even 800 numbers.

What else could I do?  Tell my family that I was supposed to be a girl?  I’m sure that would have gone over well.  Can everyone say psycho?  How about electroshock or insulin shock? 

So, I did what I could.  I hid it and lied about it.  I played the role of good little boy although I was a total failure at it.  Couldn’t play sports to save my life.  I was the worst little leaguer and was permanently assigned to right field.  During my only season I hit the ball exactly one time which got me tagged out.  Hell, the only hitting I did was letting the ball hit me so I could get on base.  Wow.  I really contributed.

And so life went on and I finished school and joined the military.  USMC.  And the lie continued.  Throw in a couple of failed marriages and a handful of girlfriends and another chapter is added to the story.

It seemed like every year as I grew older, I got better at telling the lie until one day I couldn’t tell it anymore.

It was amazing how no one in my family, no one in any aspect of my life had a clue about the lie I was living.  Only my brother’s kids.  Somehow, they saw through the smoke and mirrors to the truth in my soul or in my heart if you have a problem with religion. 

I do but that’s a story for another day.

So, the question becomes “How can anyone believe me going forward?”  If I have been lying my entire life, then how can anyone know if I’m telling the truth?

Good question huh?

What’s your answer?

Do you have a question or want to make a comment about the blog or it’s content?  Please contact me at IronicallyMeeka@gmail.com. 

Thank you for reading.

Meeka